Saturday, September 5, 2015

Social Media Relationship Destruction: Why I Avoid Controversy on Facebook-Not Everyone Respects the Views of Others

     Social media is a fun way to stay in touch with other people, it is a great way to get back in touch with long lost friends, it is also a way to meet new friends and share your life and daily events without having to send a message to each friend or relative. Sadly it is also a place where relationships end. People tend to say things on social media sites they would not say in person, discuss things with people whom they would not discuss topics with in person and a way that people become easily offended becuase well, sometimes we post or share things that we think are alright but others take offense or maybe just misunderstand and instead of trying to work it out people hit that unfriend button ending not only a social media relationship but a real life one too.

    This has happened to me a few times. One time it was not my fault, I still am baffled about the reason the friend decided to stop being friends. The other time was my fault because I did not keep my thoughts to myself and someone else took offense to my beliefs. It is sad the person did that and in all honesty I knew he and I were on different sides of an issue however really did not think the way I handled things warranted his behavior.

     The incident that was not my fault stemmed from an innocent post I put up about my sons high school theater production. The school had also decided to have a basketball tournament the same weekend  even though the theater department scheduled the play first. Our school was not even a part of the tournament and it was not our district but they let them use the school.  Both events use the same commons area and even though we had signs up stating that there was a play in progress the people with the basketball tournament were extremely loud. Some of them banged on the walls of the theater and made it very hard for our kids performance to be heard. but they prevailed and the show was great!.

     I put up a post stating that our kids did a great job despite the noise. That was all I said. A fellow drama parent comment that our kids did a great job despite the rudeness of the people in the commons area and it was sad that they were so loud. She commented that our kids work hard. Then I replied saying "yes our kids work very hard." That was all I said. It was all true and no one said anything mean or hateful.

     A friend of mine for 32 years had a daughter whose friends were in basketball and she saw the post and came back with a comment stating that the kids in sports work hard too and they deserve to be there as much as the theater kids. I responded telling her I agree the kids in sports work hard and that we only meant that the people in the commons area were loud making it hard for our kids to perform and be heard. I also pointed out that the school should not have scheduled the event the same time as the play since we had been on the schedule first. That was about all. My friend of 32 years unfriended me on Facebook and said I was toxic. There had been nothing wrong between us, we had talked just a few days before so the entire thing was over those comments on Facebook.  I tried to see if we could maybe have a real life friendship but she turned away and threw our friendship away. So there was one relationship gone because for some reason someone took things said on social media as a personal attack when that was not the purpose.

     The other friendship destruction was kind of my fault.  I had been friends with s musician I met in California. He was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed our friendship.  I also knew that we were on totally different sides of political issues and that was ok with me.  I just did not discuss politics with him. I don't post political or religious  things on my FB because I have many friends with whom I do not agree politically or where religion is concerned.  I am respect other peoples views and thoughts, when I see posts on their wall I do not agree with, I move on and respect their right to their beliefs. Not everyone is that way, some people seem to think if you disagree with them it is time to attack and argue. So I just avoid those issues.

    When Osama Ben Lauden was assassinated I posted that I was thankful to those who were involveed. That was all I said thinking it was simple enough. Then my musician friend added "and thanks to our President". I added "a special thnanks to our troops." he added "and our President" again. I knew that would spark a Facebook fight and I did not want that on my wall. He had said that once and I did not think it needed to be said again so I deleted that comment on my wall. Then the fight started between him and many of my Facebook friends. I stayed out of it until my musician friend started cussing and then made a comment about me deleting his post. I tried to explain that he said it once and I really did not want it to turn into the fight that was going on. He said many mean and cruel things nad told me never to talk to him again. So that was that. He was allowed his beliefs but can't be friends with people who have differening thoughts or views. His loss.

     I almost lost a friend over my view about algebra which really shocked me.

     Since the loss of those friends I have had others leave my life because they get mad over this or that...most times I do not know or understand their anger. I try not to post things that are controversial because I know how it turns out.

     If I see or think of something controversial I also ask myself if that is something I would say to all on my FB friends list in person, I ask if it is something I would discuss with everyone on my wall, I ask myself if everyone on my wall is open enough and respectful enough to respect other points of view and take it as a discussion instead of turning it into an argument. Most of the time my answer is "no". Then I ask if it is worth the fight or worth losing some friends over and most of the time I decide that it is not. So, I just have conversations in private with those who respect my point of view. I don't expect people to agree with me but I do expect the same respect I give them. I have been shocked by the people who really do not respect others points of view. It saddens me they are that way but, that is why they say not to discuss politics or religion with some people.

      I have also seen couples enter into huge fights over Facebook posts and that makes me sad. It is just social media, people post stuff and well I think many times it is taken a bit too seriously. It is not the real world, it is a cyber world which should not dictate the survival or demise of anything real.

     Do I sometime say things forgetting that it is social media and some people are offended by or angered by things that I don't see as offensive or something to get mad about...oh yea I do. I guess the only way to not offend someone is to keep it all roses and sunshine...I do work hard to stray from controversy and destructive posts so that my real world is not harmed by the cyber world of social networking.

No comments:

Post a Comment